The clitoris

… and its importance for female sexuality

If your sex education lessons were anything like mine, then you also got exercise sheets on which the male and female sexual organs were depicted, which you then had to name correctly one after the other. Didn’t you think that women got the short end of the stick compared to men in terms of arousal and pleasure? The man had the clearly visible sexual organs, testicles and penis, and the penis also swelled and grew larger when aroused. The woman had… you found it after some searching, that little spot, the clitoris. Not very impressive, was it? Women did have a uterus to carry babies, but men seemed somehow better equipped when it came to arousal and pleasure. If the man had the whole length of his penis at his disposal, and the woman only had this little spot, it didn’t seem very likely that pleasure and delight could be similarly intense in man and woman.

The tip of the iceberg

Many, many years later “the news”! What we have come to know as “the clitoris” is just the tip of the iceberg, namely the clitoral glans (its head). However, the glans of the clitoris is only that part of the clitoris that is visible from the outside. In addition, there are the two legs that run around the vagina and two bulbs that lie below the labia. The entire clitoris is not 1-2 cm, but a whopping 9-11 cm long!

For comparison, here is another picture that we all know well in one way or another: The woman with only one “dot”. It is shocking! And that’s unfortunately how it’s still taught in most cases! The first publishers are now revising their books. Let’s see how long it takes until the picture above has arrived everywhere and the picture below belongs to the sad past.

Why it is important to know the anatomy of the clitoris

Only in the course of embryonic development do the sexual organs of male and female differentiate. However, the basic material is the same, which then takes on a slightly different form. It is therefore not surprising that the anatomy, function and sensation of pleasure of the clitoris and penis are very similar. The erectile tissue (bulbs) of the clitoris swells during arousal in the same way as the penis does and becomes larger. When aroused, the bulbs can potentially even be observed from the outside, when they are showing under the skin of the labia. This means that the woman is or can be just as lustful as the man. And instead of a tiny dot, the woman has a whole, large organ at her disposal. The only organ in the human body, by the way, whose sole purpose it is to give pleasure and gain lust.

Now that the anatomy of the clitoris is known, it also becomes clear that the “vaginal” orgasm does not exist. If a woman experiences a climax through penetration alone (and this only works for a minority), it is still the clitoris that makes it possible, because here the clitoris, or more precisely its erectile tissue (bulbs), is stimulated via the inside of the vagina. A vaginal orgasm is therefore in fact always a clitoral orgasm. It should be noted that the lower part of the vagina, near the opening, plays the important role here, and the rest of the vagina contributes much less to the arousal.

Then why is female sexuality so “complicated”?

Unfortunately, there are many factors that stand in the way of experiencing a relaxed and pleasurable sexuality. On the one hand, there is a lack of knowledge about anatomy, but there is also shame, taboos and misinformation regarding sexuality. There are only a few who speak openly about sexuality, but somehow everyone should intuitively know how “it” works.

Example penetration

As we now know, a vaginal orgasm is actually a clitoral orgasm. But not all women can achieve an orgasm through penetration alone. It depends on how the clitoris and vagina are positioned in relation to each other. Now, when women try to have a “vaginal” orgasm and it doesn’t work, they may think there’s something wrong with them. That’s not the case. In fact, they belong to the majority of women who need a different form of stimulation to reach climax.

Example masturbation

Women and men learn best what they like when they first explore their bodies on their own. While masturbation is unfortunately still often a taboo for both sexes, it is more likely accepted for men. However, many women have their first sexual experience with a partner. Female masturbation is still often not a matter of course. And yet they have a wonderful organ whose sole purpose it is to give them pleasure.

Example shame

Many women feel insecure about their bodies. This is certainly true for men as well, but especially when it comes to the vulva, there is a lot of shame. Female sexuality is so fraught with myths and misinformation that it’s no wonder women feel ashamed of many things that are actually normal and natural.

Commercials suggests that we need to wash our vagina so that it smells “fresh”. This is nonsense! The vagina cleans itself and attempts to clean it using products can easily destroy the sensitive balance. And then the “fun” really begins, because the vagina is then susceptible to disease. Even during menstruation, women should be careful not to smell. For this purpose there are pads with a fresh scent. Who pays attention to the scent of freshness during a nosebleed? Nobody. But when it comes out at the bottom, it’s disgusting, and women should feel ashamed.

We learn that women have large and small “shame-lips”. In German we often call them shame-lips! And women whose inner labia are bigger than the outer ones may start to think something is wrong with them. Porn in particular doesn’t help there, because it seems that what is shown above all is a standard vulva, which is similar to the illustrations from the books. Luckily, there is now the “great wall of vagina” that shows both women and men that vulvas, like penises, come in many shapes and sizes. (By the way, colors too.)

Jamie McCartney Great Wall of Vagina (small part of it)

It is said that the anatomy of the clitoris was not fully discovered until 1998, but other sources suggest that the full size of the clitoris was discovered much earlier. Why did this knowledge disappear into obscurity again? Good question! But the fact that only about 50% of the population has a clitoris seemed insufficient to make this knowledge available to the general public. Not giving it its due consideration is not the worst though. All the things that have been claimed about the clitoris, and all the things women and men have been talked into believing, are really disgusting. Here is an interesting article about it https://www.entitymag.com/clitoris-history/.

Example objectification

Although the woman’s body is constantly shown in sexual contexts, the woman herself is seldom the active, lustful subject. Women are supposed to be beautiful and attractive, but when a woman speaks publicly about having sex and wanting a lot of sex, a negative stigma is quickly placed on her. In the minds of both men and women, a sensual woman quickly becomes a slut. It is also inconceivable that she enjoys sex just for the fun of it, instead “she only craves male attention”.

In addition, we mainly see and hear that the man has sex, and that sex happens to the woman. In porn, the woman is mainly “used” to give pleasure to the man. We also hear about sexual acts mainly when there is talk of boundary violations and abuse, that is, when things go wrong. Since we don’t talk about the positive sides of sex and we only ever see the “mutually fulfilling act of penetration” in sex scenes in film, a rather distorted picture emerges of what sexuality is or can be .

Example Between the ears

Female and male arousal and desire can be different. For example, while many men seem to respond well to visual stimuli, many women seem to be easily excitable by sexual fantasies. Much of female sexuality takes place in their minds. This means that clitoral stimulation alone doesn’t always lead to fulfilling sex either. Much of the sex that we see, that we know, doesn’t take that into account at all. But if a woman knows it, and her partner responds to it, sex can be truly fulfilling for everyone involved. That it takes a long time for women to reach orgasm is not true, by the way. Many women report having no problems reaching orgasms quickly during masturbation. Therefore, women should not have to try to reach orgasm faster. Instead, sexual encounters should be much more responsive to different needs, rather than following a preconceived pattern and image of sex.

Example Unwanted pregnancy

In addition to all of the above, there is also the fear of an unwanted pregnancy, which unfortunately women still carry alone far too often. If a woman takes the pill, these hormones can significantly reduce her libido. And if she doesn’t take the pill, there is always a residual risk of an unwanted pregnancy with condoms and the like (but of course also with the pill). If, in the event of an unwanted pregnancy, an abortion is out of the question, pregnancy and motherhood mean in many cases an enormous burden and the end of many a dream. Even if an abortion is an option, it is often an tremendous physical and psychological burden, because shame, guilt and taboo play a role here too, and the woman usually has to endure this on her own.

What can we do?

With all these influences, it is not surprising that women eventually lose interest in sex or experience sexual desire less often than men. On the one hand, it is often not really clear to neither her nor her partner what actually gives her pleasure, on the other hand, sexuality is often associated with negative examples and negative consequences for women. However, there are ways that all sexes can achieve a fulfilling sexuality, but that requires some effort and overcoming mental barriers:

Talk about sex. With your partner, but also with friends. Sex should no longer be taboo. If we finally start talking about this topic, without shame and embarrassment, we can learn so much from each other. Moreover, we can also understand much sooner that what we may be ashamed of is probably something perfectly normal.
Inform yourself. There are already good books about the sexuality of men and women that dispel many myths and encourage you to give yourself and each other pleasure, and also give tips and tricks on how it can work.
Next Generations: I hope that girls today no longer learn that their hymen “tears” when they have penetrative sex for the first time (that’s not true!), or that they “lose” their virginity as if it were something that determined their worth. I hope that current and future generations of girls and boys can be truly open and unashamed about their bodies and their pleasure. To do that, we should start treating sex not as something that can only be talked about, if at all, behind closed doors, but as something that can be beautiful and fulfilling for everybody involved. And that you’re not wrong if something doesn’t work out yet, you just have to figure out what feels good for you. If we start now, it will be easier for future generations to see sex for what it should be: the most pleasant pastime in the world!

And because she’s so beautiful, once again:

If you see a penis drawing somewhere, you can now draw a beautiful clitoris next to it. I’m sure she’d look great on a t-shirt too…and that would make a good icebreaker, too… 😀

With kind regards,

Recent Posts